How I Almost Got Arrested

Some background from the Georgia Encyclopedia: In 1987 racial tensions again erupted in Forsyth County. In January a small march in Cumming to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr.?s birthday met with resistance from local members of the Ku Klux Klan, who threw stones and glass bottles at the demonstrators. The event received national attention, and on January 24, 20,000 marchers from around the country converged on Forsyth County. Led by numerous civil rights leaders, including Hosea Williams, the marchers encountered 1,000 to 2,000 counter-demonstrators, but the presence of large numbers of police and National Guard troops most likely kept the event from turning violent. The event was one of the largest civil rights demonstrations since the 1960s?So I was taking my son to his football game in Forsyth County (about an hour away) on Saturday night.  He had the best game of his life and we really enjoyed seeing him play.  Anyway, we left the game to go meet one of Nick's friends and her parents for dinner.  We were in Melissa's car but I always drive it at night because she can't see her hand in front of her face when it gets dark.  I had gotten a few miles down the road when I saw blue lights come on behind me.  I knew that I wasn't speeding.  I pulled over and the officer came to my window to tell me that the light that was supposed to illuminate my license plate was out.  The same light that I got pulled over for several weeks earlier.  The same light that Melissa told me that she would fix with the help of our 14 year old.  He asked me for my license.Shit. 2 days earlier, I had a big test in my advertising class and I packed my book bag with my books, notebooks and laptop.  I didn't have any room for my wallet so I just put my license and a credit card in a zippered compartment.  When I got back home, I failed to transfer my things back into my wallet."I left my license at home."He said he could look it up with my name and date of birth.  I gave him that info and he left.  He returned and asked me if I knew that my license had expired.  "No.  I just got it last year.  It is not expired."  He took additional info and left to re-try.When he came back, he asked me to step out of the car so that I could face the camera on the dash of his car.  I thought that he might have some kind of facial recognition software that could look me up.  I forgot I was in Redneckersonville, USA.  No sooner had I faced his cruiser than he slapped the handcuffs on me and held me by my arm.  At this point, a butchy female cop, who I will call "CLOSET CASE IN DENIAL", came over to harass me.  "Maam, do you have a sister?""Yes.""Is this her car?""No.  It's her car." (I pointed to Melissa in the passenger seat)"Who is that?""She's my wife.""What?""She's my wife.""Your WIFE?""Yes.  My wife."(she is laughing this part:) "Did you have some kind of sex change operation or something?" (At this point, I would like to show you a photo of myself and ask you if anyone here has any doubt that I am, in fact, a natural-born woman): That butchy ladycop was a hundred times the man I am.  In fact, I would have been surprised if she wasn't wearing mens boxer-briefs under her uniform."No.  I did not have a sex change operation.  I am a lesbian and we were married in a church."At this point, the nice cop came over and he assured me that he didn't have any problem with my being gay while C.C.I.D. also nodded in agreement and then tried to justify her little joke with a "you just never know these days.  Maybe that was the problem with the name mix up."Right.  So if I had a sex change operation, I am sure I would keep my first name and just change my last name to match my new gender identity, right?  ??Good cop asked me a few more questions about addresses that I lived at and returned to his patrol car and leaving me with the angry version of Peppermint Patty.Not content to just be helpful, she starts in:  "So we're going to be taking you to jail.  IF you can make bail, you will be assigned a court date.  At that time, you can take it up with the judge as to whether or not you're lying about having a current drivers license."She then went over to tell Melissa that she was taking me to jail and wanted to know if Melissa had been drinking and could she drive the vehicle.  Meanwhile, nice cop returned and asked me about my last name.  It was showing up with my maiden and married names run together as one name.  I explained that on November 4th of last year, I got my license updated by removing my ex's last name from mine.  Melissa & my son called my 16 year old at home and had her read the numbers off my license in the pocket of my book bag.  Closet Case wrote it on her hand (classy) and they solved the mystery.  Apparently, when I went to have my license changed, they dropped my maiden name and kept my married name instead of the other way around.  My license read the other way, but in their system, it was wrong.Closet Case was sure sad that she didn't get to take me in.  I'm sure she would have enjoyed spending more time with me.  Had I actually been arrested, I would have spent my time in jail starting a gang.  As it was, I rushed off to apologize to my son's friends for delaying dinner because I was handcuffed for an hour.  The next day, Melissa replaced the bulb and I put my ID back in my wallet.  My son thought it was cool to see his mom get handcuffed and my daughter got a special thanks for helping to keep her mom out of jail.  Closet Case returned to her empty trailer to feed her 9 cats and watch Cagney & Lacey reruns.

lesbian film lesbian television lesbian books