Mixed Messages: Even as it gets better for gay couples in Virginia, it pays to remember that change still comes slowly

Opinion: Leave it to Virginia to throw a wrench in my wedding plans. This was to be the year that my husband, Cavin, and I took the final step of legalizing it — getting an official license that will be recognized by the federal government and provide us with some much-needed security on issues that our legally married friends have stopped stressing over. This can be confusing as we use the word ''husband'' when referring to each other. We got married in 2007, Virginia having then recently enacted a statue that constitutionally refused to recognize big, gay, Buddhist wedding ceremonies. When D.C. offered official knot-tying services, we held off because for the most part in Virginia — or Kentucky, when traveling home for the holidays — a legal marriage would be as invisible as our real marriage. But with Windsor pressing the issue and federal retirement benefits on the line, 2014 was the time for us to make honest men of each other by making the short trek to the D.C. courthouse. ... (more)

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