Love Language #6: Space Giving

I was messaging with an ex-girlfriend-turned-friend the other day. (Lesbians can do this provided you didn't date too long and neither of you are crazy.) We were having an ice storm and I looked down to read her message: "Omg! Our lights are flickering now so pray I don't go crazy! My only sanity right now is reading.  If I have to just sit in darkness with 2 other cabin fevered people, I may snap!!"I immediately burst out laughing.This girl is NOT one to want to spend a lot of time with people.  Any people. In fact, I have no idea why she chose a career where she has to be around so many all day long.  She is an introvert in the truest sense of the word - she absolutely requires alone time to recharge and if she doesn't get it, you don't want to be around, dig?I replied, "This just made me laugh so hard. I almost want you to lose power just so you can tell me the story later."  The idea of her sitting in the dark and trying to keep from having to interact with other people who were also grouchy and cooped up together was just a bright, happy spot in my day.She replied, "Glad I can bring you pleasure!"Me: "You are one of the few people who always do."(She really does - I am always laughing with her)Then, I added, "If I ever end up marrying you someday, the first thing I'm going to do is build a little cabin type house at the back of my property. It's going to have a tiny kitchen, fireplace, sleeping loft, work desk and built-in bookshelves. I will send you there daily and make you stay until you miss me and want to come see me." Her response made me laugh harder: "That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever wanted to give me!!!"It was characteristic of our fun exchanges but it made my wheels start spinning.  I remembered this book by Gary Chapman called "The 5 Languages of Love" that I read when I was going through nouthetic counseling training.  In this book, Chapman discusses the 5 ways people feel and express love for each other: Acts of service (Take out the trash)Words of encouragement ("You really solved that problem - great job!")Physical touch and closeness (Bow Chicka Wow Wow!)Quality time (Going for a walk together)Gift giving/receiving (Here is a scarf that reminded me of you!) But after that conversation with my friend, I realized that she really, really would feel SO loved if someone would not only understand (and not take personally) her need to be alone to recharge, but also take steps to create an atmosphere for her to do that in.I also thought about how many introverts that I know who would appreciate an inner sanctum or private spot where they could meditate, read, paint, listen to music, dance naked - whatever - just do things in solitude that help them recharge.  And partners with the love in their hearts to leave them alone while they recharge.I think Gary Chapman should add a 6th love language to his book: Space giving.  (Tweet him @DrGaryChapman)Some people would feel so loved and be so ready to love and give if they were given a little space.I'm serious... let's ask Dr. Chapman what he thinks about adding a new language to his list of ways that people give and receive love.  I believe my argument is solid. 

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