Seriously, Mom? You didn't know?

I sometimes think back to the time I came out - about 3 years ago. Some people, like my best friends, already had a feeling that I was gay. My Grandma & Dad had discussed the possibility of it when I was young. Then, there was my mom. She had the reaction that I was just going through a mid-life crisis and that the thought of me being gay had never even crossed her mind. I don't know if she was straight up lying or if she had the most serious case of denial on the planet. Either way, she was not a happy camper that I came out. .A few times, I have told Melissa stories about how my mom and I argued about dresses and clothes and girly things. One story in particular that I shared with her was about this time when our neighborhood was hosting a Halloween party. We went to shop for costumes and my mom begged and pleaded with me to be a ballerina. I wanted no part of it. I stood my ground and insisted on a Superman costume. I knew when we took it to the checkout counter to pay for it that she was bitterly disappointed in my selection. I imagine that it was an embarrassment for her to know that there were bound to be people already speculating about my sexuality. She was likely frustrated about her inability to keep me from fueling their curiosity by my words and actions. .On the other hand, it was hard for me to walk the line of wanting to be my authentic self and still please my very feminine mom. Sometimes, I made hard choices that I knew would make her disappointed in me but they usually weren't really choices for me at all. I had to be me. I think it was my inability to let her form me into the daughter of her dreams that kept us from ever being close. She wanted something very different and although I wanted to make her proud, I knew that I never would if I was really myself..All that to say that yesterday, when going through a photo album of my late step-father, I stumbled across this photo of that party of me with that girl. It brought back a flood of memories. I do remember being excited to be Superman but also sad knowing how disappointed my mom was about it. This photo also begs the question: Seriously, Mom? You didn't know??? LOOK AT ME...SUPERGAY!

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