"Mother dearest"

What is a lesbian daughter to do, when the mode and extent of her mother's display of affection becomes "too much"? My mother and I have an unconventionally close relationship, more akin to an idealized sisterhood or friendship than one of child and parent. We are greatly at ease and open with each other, not only intellectually (no subject, it seems, is beyond the reach of possible discussion) but also physically: along with the occasional peck on the cheek (she is French), we frequently exchange hugs and publicly walk arm-in-arm, happily chattering away.

My concerns begin here: though, previously, this intimacy had never appeared as anything more than "Platonic", presently, I am troubled, particularly when reflecting on the physical expressions of affection which she gives and solicits. And, when she gives me her hand when we are outside, walking alone, or hugs me particularly deeply; when she says things like, "You give me meaning and, without you, my life has no sense"; or (more recently) becomes exasperated at my refraining from total emotional disclosure and request for distance, I feel slightly uneasy.

I think that this might have something, or all, to do with a very recent realization that I am a lesbian (an insight catalyzed through a sudden awareness of the fact I struggle to keep close friendships with other females without struggling with some degree of sexual attraction and, in some cases, falling in love with them).

Other details that might be relevant: Though they still live together, over the course of the last several years, my mother has progressively become estranged from my father (in part of the latter's depression) and, I feel, has increasingly come to rely on our relation for the affection she no longer receives as a result of her spousal alienation. She prefers to spend whatever time she has available visiting me (I am a ways away, at college) rather than with him, all the while admitting that "she should" and that "it would do him some good". She explicitly identifies as a heterosexual woman and, though I have been intimating (through tactful phrasing) at the possibility of my being a lesbian, I have not yet disclosed my orientation in fear of the awkwardness ruining our relationship, which I do cherish.

How can I approach this, delicately? I am failing to find any resources (helpful books or websites) from which I might draw from, that would shed light on the complexity of the undoubtedly queer bond between lesbian daughters and their mothers. Thank you so much, in advance, for your advice.

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