My first lesbian experience quickly became assault. What do I do to take care of myself now? While I'm a queer female, I've never actually been with a woman before. I was at an event that promoted safe exploration of female sexuality. I'd sussed out the org for a while and did research before going in; they had a long list of rules and procedures and had a history of organising such events so I figured I'd be OK.
I spent most of the night observing what was going on before jumping in. Unfortunately I happened to get the one psycho of the group - a crazy hyperactive (later I found out she was drunk) girl who didn't know what she was going, was rough to the point of pain and bleeding, and was very insistent. Despite me begging her to stop and be gentle (she knew it was my first time), she kept going, or she'd change up and then go back to being rough and painful.
I was in near shock and it didn't hit me that it was assault until I got into the taxi home and started crying. Ever since then I've been having flashes of memories, the smell of people's bodies would set me off, and I just feel so lost.
I've been talking to some friends (esp those active with the queer community here) and they've been fantastic with support and resources. But I'm not sure where I can go for help. Looking up "lesbian assault" on Google gets me porn. A lot of the abuse/assault resources are for women attacked by men; not so much for women attacked by women.
I've emailed the organiser (though I think she knew what happened already, just emphasising the gravity of the situation) and I have a doctor's appointment today to check that there hasn't been terrible damage. I did use to see a psychologist for other things, but I'm not sure if queer sexuality is an area she's experienced in. But where to now? I'm going to a big family event overseas in a couple of weeks and they're really conservative (even my very liberal sister was a little bit judgemental when I told her) and I don't want to start breaking down halfway through the event. My boyfriend has been really supportive of everything, but I don't want to rely on him alone for help.
What can I do to take care of myself? Where can I go? (I live in Brisbane) I seem to go from feeling OK to feeling like crap as a yoyo. I keep feeling like I should apologize to someone but I don't know who. I don't want to press charges - I don't want to go through that whole process and I hardly remember the other girl's name. I just want to be able to heal.
Emails can be sent into agirlinpain@care2.com
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