I Flunked GirlSpeak

Women.They are so hard to understand that I have no idea how it is that I am even gay.I have only had one love in my life and she was an entire 6-year course in learning the language of women.  The fact that I am now single should tell you that I got an "F" in GirlSpeak.  However, I did pick up a few things from my own (as well as others) experiences. I hope that you, my reader, may benefit somehow from my fuck-ups.Lesson 1: Forget her actual words.  They mean nothing.She might say something like "Leave me alone." It seems like this would be an easy fix.  Leave her alone. A logical, linear thinker might make the mistake of leaving her alone.  And then her feelings will be hurt because you left her alone.  To her, you don't care about her at all because you left her alone.  What she really wants is for you to fight to be with her, to not leave her side, to comfort her and be present with her.Until the next time she says me "Leave me alone."  Then, you might try to be by her side and be present with her or comfort her and that bitch will try to shank you.  Because this time, "Leave me alone" really means "Get the hell away from me!"  Scratch your head all you want... you will NOT figure this out so don't waste your time trying.  Take away: There is no take away.  Women are crazy.--------------------------------------------------------------Lesson 2: Women will spill their pain out before you and you had better not try to help clean that shit up.A million times I have listened to women share a problem or concern with me.  Very often, it would be an easy fix.  I would even wonder why we were talking about it when the solution is so simple.  And yet it never is.Example:Her: "My co-worker is such a difficult woman to work with.  Every day when we have lunch together, she always complains about her health problems and it starts to bring me down.  I try to tell her what she can do to change her health but she ignores my advice.  By the end of the week, I feel so negative and I don't want to be around her or spend any time with her."Me: "Stop eating with her."Her: (silence with an icy glare)Me: "What?"Her: "I don't want you to solve my problems.  I just want you to listen to them!"(Like your co-worker wants you to do with her?)Take Away: There is no take away.  Women are crazy.--------------------------------------------------------------Lesson 3: Everyone wants you. You may not know this but when you think someone is being polite, you are a stupid fool.  They want you and you are just too dumb to know it.  Thank God she is there to point it out to you.  Otherwise, you would never know when you are being hit on.  (My dad's wife subscribes to this viewpoint - she's so cute!)Take Away: There is no take away.  Women are crazy. ----------------------------------------------------------------

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