Sexually attracted to women, but romantically attracted to men?

So I've always been attracted to both genders. But I get strong crushes mostly on men. However, unfortunately I'm mainly sexually attracted to women. I thought maybe it wasn't a big deal, but I really can't orgasm without thinking of myself with a woman. This sucks because I haven't ever met a woman that really gave me the butterflies the way men do. What the hell am I supposed to do relationship-wise? I like sex with men. I don't find them unattractive. I think their bodies can look good. But I almost never fantasize about them. And when I need to get off, it's always a woman that I think about. Typical sex with me =him getting me off with fingers or mouth while I lie back with my eyes closed and think of a woman. Then we have regular intercourse and he gets off. The more I think about it, the more messed up it sounds. I might not even be bisexual, just totally a lesbian maybe?

The last relationship was so great in every way except and I really felt love towards him. But during a disagreement we both confessed we weren't sexually attracted to each other and had been imagining other people to get off the whole time. And then we broke up. I feel like I don't want that to happen again because it makes me really sad.

But on the romantic side I meet women who are attractive to me, but I don't get really strong butterflies in my stomach like I have with some men. I really like being around men and dating men and hugging and cuddling with men. I guess it might be the same with women, but I haven't progressed very far. I don't know how to get that far if I'm not getting strong crushes, but I wonder how much of this is colored by my conservative Christian upbringing.

Once my parents found out of I was looking at women online and I was subject to a lot of abuse about it. Also growing up the women in my family were all pretty abusive towards me and it was men who were my allies. I was also told growing up that being gay is caused by sexual abuse and I think it's possible I was sexually abused by a female relative, something I'm exploring with my therapist. I know it's not true, but it's still something that crosses my mind Most of my friends have also been male. I see a therapist, but maybe I need to find one who specializes in LGBT issues?

I'm also not really sure how to be a lesbian anyway. It seems to involve so much culture I'm not familiar with and I wouldn't know where to start.

I just don't know what kind of relationship someone like me can make work.

lesbian writing lesbian reviews lesbian gossip