I'm 45, female and just discovered I'm bi. Now what?

I'm 45, female and just discovered I'm bi. Now what?

Yes, I know it seems unlikely, and the nearest I can figure is my arousal/desire for every single one of my lovers has occurred after being desired, rather than finding someone hot in advance. I was married for a very long time, and possibly oblivious to any gay come-ons, in my premarital time. For the sake of the information I seek, can we please assume that I am correct - that I am bi, and that this wasn't just experimental? (which has been suggested to me by a straight friend). I had very satisfying sex with a close friend a week ago after she flirted relentlessly with me for 6 weeks (yes, I'm clueless). I find I want more, and not just/necessarily with her. There were aspects of it very different to sex with a man (which I also enjoy immensely) which were just delightful, not least the emotional closeness, the softer kisses, the different body to hold in my arms, the feel of ... yeah, you get the idea.

So I don't know where to start, and feel like a near virgin again, but old enough this time to realise there's so many complications.

Here's some:
I'm concerned about coming out at some stage to my adult but somewhat innocent children, who still don't cope well with me having sex with someone other than their father, particular as their father and I didn't share a bedroom for most of our marriage.

I'm wondering if I should come out to my siblings - or is my sex-life none of their business, until I turn up at a barbecue with a female companion? They're not homophobic, but I think it will be a shock to them, simply because I've never identified that way.

I've heard that some lesbian women find bi-women problematic.
I don't know how to present my lack of experience at this age to potential female lovers. I don't know how to indicate my interest in a woman, in a way that is different to overtures of friendship. I really don't know know what to do in bed. I'm not sure lesbian porn is the way to go, if I could find it, because like, I wouldn't recommend porn to anyone to learn about sex.

I wonder if I should tell my friends, and long-term colleagues and I do work in a very gay-friendly workplace, but is my sexuality an inappropriate topic at work?

I'm a student and could join the uni queer support group, but the members are likely to be much younger than me, and with very different issues.

I'm confused that it took me this long to find out. I feel somewhat guilty that I didn't have to go through discrimination in my youth because I didn't know.

I'm kind of horrified that I'm so clueless about myself that I didn't know. I feel my self-identity has just been turned upside, and I'm not sure who I am anymore, and it feels awfully late to go looking for myself.

I wonder if I should go to gay clubs.

The very few straight friends that I've shared with seem to think it's no big deal, the males saying most women are bi, and whatever, the females telling me I'm still the same person I was before and they love me, which is nice and accepting of both sets, but not very helpful if you know what I mean.

I don't know where to start. I don't know what I don't know. I wonder if I'm making too big a deal of this.

Bonus question: my arousal/desire for every single one of my lovers has occurred after being desired - this probably explains why I have such difficulty masturbating to orgasm without company (and I do have a very good imagination, also can come very easily with a partner), but also makes me further question my sexuality - why is it so much tied into external influences. What's up with that?

Location: Brisbane Queensland Australia

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