Roles

.Where I work in a computer lab at my school, a woman who found out that I was gay initiated some hetero-lesbian talk with me.  This is a strange phenomenon that occurs whenever you aren't "Richard Simmons-obviously gay" and another woman finds out that you are a lesbian.  They establish that they are "friendly" by telling you that they have a gay friend, uncle or neighbor.  Then, there is some small talk followed by the transitional statement of "Can I ask you a personal question?"  I really like this because it is hetero speak for "Can we talk about sex?.Absolutely!  My favorite topic..Usually, she wants to know what role I play.  The question can be phrased in a number of different ways such as "Who's the man in your relationship?" or "Who is the dude?" or, one of my favorites, "Who takes out the trash?"  This one is fun because I play a little and say, "Oh, there is no man." or "I have my daughter take out the trash."  Then, I let them know that I am a Lara Croft soft butch and then they feel completely free to say anything that happens across their minds to me..This particular woman wanted to tell me that she has always been attracted to women and she feels repulsed by men in general.  All of her male relationships have been poor and none of them have lasted.  She said that she has had relationships with women that could have easily been physical but there was this *one* little thing that she just couldn't get past: the idea that she would have to perform oral sex on a woman..Wow.  You suffer through your entire life with men, knowing that you are more attracted to women, but you let a little thing like that keep you from enjoying a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone that you love?  My heart went out to her!.We are so conditioned to think in terms of roles that we have a hard time thinking outside of the box.  I told this woman that there will be many, many women who don't even want oral sex.  She seemed genuinely shocked -as if oral sex is all lesbians have to look forward to.  I know that we will have more opportunities to talk but it really opened my eyes to how little people give consideration to what they do have control over.  What is keeping YOU from getting what you want?

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