Happy Valentine's Day

We have arrived at the end of love week.  I highlighted the people who I have the most mad love for - my parents and children.  I was thinking about this the other day - this is the first Valentine's Day since I was a teenager that I have not been in a relationship on Valentine's Day.  And it feels so fucking good.  I spent the last few years trying to save a relationship that was never going to work.  It was exhausting, frustrating and heart-breaking.  It was physically painful.My therapist, Tanya, helped me sort out my grief - the loss of my marriage and the terminal diagnosis of my father.  It helped me in so many ways but the best one was allowing me to see that what I was clinging to was not really love.  That revelation really equipped me to shift my mental focus, stop feeling guilty for my failures and close that door for good so I could move on.Moving ForwardSince that time, I have met some incredible people.  I have new friends and met some amazing women.  I am enjoying getting to know them and each one brings something new to the table. I reconnected with an old friend who has a real gift in the nurturing department.  She has an endless supply of love and affection and having her back in my life again is exactly what I needed right now.  It feels really good to be able to open myself up to someone who returns the favor - who is real, raw and vulnerable.  She is 150% woman and I can't seem to soak up enough of her feminine energy.I made a connection with a fellow blogger who has been secretly following me for several years.  She finally reached out and we have had the best conversations.  It's so strange how the universe conspires to plant people in your life at certain times for certain reasons.  This is one of those people who was planted and I'm so glad to have her ear.   I also had one of those chance encounters that people have in movies.  I struck up a conversation with a pretty girl and, within 45 minutes, I knew I would want to have her in my life.  The friendship that we have built has been fun and exciting and has a lot of possibilities. She is going to be a part of my inner circle in one way or another. I met the smartest, coolest kid that I love to go have a beer with while we discuss all things lesbian. I met the most servant-minded woman who has such a love for people.  She inspires me by her inner strength and her drive to overcome her past. I have been given the best advice from an internationally known therapist who I am so proud to call my friend.   I retain my mad love for my core friends - they never fail me.  Always there, ready to circle the wagons.   I am surrounded by strong, beautiful, loving, giving, intelligent, funny women. I am SO BLESSED to have this collective pool of awesomeness to drink from at will!Take AwayLove is pain.  It hurts.  When you put yourself out there and allow yourself to love, you are going to get hurt.  I was hurt. I was hurt repeatedly. I was hurt deeply.  People leave.  People suffer and you have to suffer with them.  They have hurdles and sorrow and you worry for them.  It hurts to love someone and watch them face trials and to know you can do nothing.  You just have to sit there with them and share their pain.  It hurts to love people. But... not giving in to the desire to protect yourself by not loving again is what everyone should strive for.  Because allowing new people into your life and allowing yourself to have feelings for them, whether romantic or friendly, is a gift.It's a gift to you and a gift to them. They make you laugh.  They listen when you talk and offer advice when you ask for it.  They send sexy texts.  They remember days that are important to you.  They ask you to be present and invite you to share intimacy and be vulnerable with them.  They are possibilities.  They add value and joy to your life.  They become the reason that you don't let the loss of one of them destroy you.Allow yourself to love.  Don't hold it against someone new what someone in your past did to you.  Give everyone new the benefit of a doubt.  Give everyone you love a second chance when they screw up (but not a third chance - that would just be stupid).  Finally, give every new possibility the room to become what it is supposed to be.

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